Is it okay to say that I’m tired?
Not just physically, I mean. Mentally, I’m a bit exhausted today. I’m carrying around this heavy pressure in my heart. It’s news that I was more or less expecting but it hit me hard, just the same.
Medium has become, more or less, my safe space. I can write about anything here without worrying about being read. Unless I share it, of course.
Everywhere else- my blogs, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram — people read me. And while that makes me very happy, there are things I want to write where only a few people or perhaps nobody will read.
I’m actually a bit sad that this has come to pass. You know that feeling of being comfortable? Where things go like clockwork? That will end soon. And I’ll be tossed into a situation I know I should welcome but my mind refuses to accept it at this point.
It shows, too. In ways that wouldn’t seem obvious. I don’t read as many blogs as I used to, for example. I don’t post as often on Facebook. I don’t chat with most people on WhatsApp these days.
And it’s all building up to a time when I hope I can make the transition smoothly.
As much as I say that I welcome change, I sometimes take comfort in the routine. I cherish the regularity, the mundane, the boring and the pedestrian.
Perhaps tomorrow will be a lighter day. And a shorter one.
Day 17 of daily writing, 2018